A Vatican Meeting Amidst Death and Diplomacy
In a world where war is treated like a halftime show and peace like an unwanted advertisement, two unlikely figures Donald Trump and Volodymyr Zelensky found themselves huddled in the echoing marble vaults of St. Peter’s Basilica, the heart of Vatican City, moments before the funeral of Pope Francis.
Photographs showed them locked in conversation, without aides, under the solemn gaze of saints and sinners past. (Irony alert: never have more promises been broken in a place built on so many.)
Trump, fresh off another chaotic international jaunt, immediately cast doubt on the prospects of peace. One foot in the Church and the other in a missile silo, he asked the question everyone else was too polite to voice:
“Maybe Putin doesn’t want to stop the war?”
Trump, ever the subtle diplomat, on Truth Social (link).
Given Putin’s latest delight in bombing civilian areas like a kid squashing ants, Trump’s question wasn’t exactly out of left field though asking it after seven years of watching the carnage unfold does feel a bit like asking if fire is hot.
Zelensky’s Hopes (and Prayers) for Ceasefire
For his part, Zelensky tried to coat the meeting in hope the way a man covers an open wound with duct tape.
“We discussed a lot one on one. Protecting lives of our people. Full and unconditional ceasefire. Reliable and lasting peace… Very symbolic meeting that has potential to become historic.”
Volodymyr Zelensky, ever the optimist, via social media.
Of course, history is littered with “symbolic meetings” that led exactly nowhere (See: Chamberlain waving his “peace for our time” paper like a drunken magician).
The White House, ever desperate to spin gold out of straw, declared the Trump-Zelensky powwow “very productive” a phrase so abused by political flaks that it should come with a government warning.
The Funeral’s Accidental Diplomacy
The setting itself the Baptistry Chapel wasn’t planned for a high-stakes peace negotiation. It was supposed to be a quiet corner for mourning the late Pope. Instead, it hosted a geopolitical therapy session attended by men with too much power and too little time.
Trump, who had picked Saudi Arabia for his grand reentry into global diplomacy (because nothing says “peace” like Riyadh), rerouted to Europe at the eleventh hour to attend the funeral. A funeral that, by sheer logistical chaos, forced world leaders to rub elbows much like cattle packed into a pen making such brief and awkward encounters almost inevitable.
Among the players: Emmanuel Macron, Keir Starmer, Ursula von der Leyen all putting on brave faces while quietly calculating the next headline.
America’s Increasing Impatience
Meanwhile, Washington’s tone toward Ukraine has shifted from paternal to petulant.
Trump, exasperated with slow progress, threatened to yank American support faster than a toddler pulling a tablecloth. The White House all but announced that patience was “running out” (source).
“Russia and Ukraine are very close to a deal,”
Trump proclaimed with all the cautious optimism of a man betting his fortune on a two-legged horse.
Steve Witkoff, Trump’s special envoy (because apparently, real diplomats are out of stock), met with Putin for three hours. Moscow’s verdict? The talks were “constructive and very useful” the diplomatic equivalent of a Tinder date ending with “let’s be friends.”
Kyiv’s Offer: Compromise at a Cost
Before jetting to Rome, Zelensky signaled a willingness to compromise, a move that smelled of both desperation and realism.
He floated the idea of security guarantees not involving NATO membership a bitter pill for a nation that’s been promised membership since the dinosaurs roamed. Instead, Zelensky suggested European troops, Patriot missiles, and cyber-defense backups as Ukraine’s security “backstop” (source).
“We are ready for dialogue in any format with anyone, but only after a real signal that Russia is ready to end the war.”
Zelensky, hammering home the obvious.
Yet reality bites: Thursday’s brutal missile assault on Kyiv, killing 12 civilians, sent a louder signal from Putin and it didn’t sound like “peace.”
The “Ukraine Deal Framework”: Hope… With Strings Attached
In London, Ukrainian and European officials drew up a shiny new peace plan — the Ukraine Deal Framework. Reuters (source) got its hands on the draft.
Highlights:
- Immediate and unconditional ceasefire (on land, air, and sea).
- Ceasefire monitoring led by the U.S. with help from third countries.
- Robust security guarantees similar to NATO’s Article 5 but without the actual NATO logo.
- No limits on foreign troops and weapons stationed in Ukraine.
- Negotiations on territory would start from the current frontlines (bad news for those dreaming of Crimea beach vacations).
And, in a poetic twist only the gods of war could appreciate, Ukraine would “fully compensate” the United States for access to its rare minerals conveniently ensuring America doesn’t walk away empty-handed.
Crimea: The Thorn That Won’t Die
The sticky issue of Crimea remains the elephant (or bear) in the room.
While Witkoff reportedly floated the idea that the U.S. might recognize Russian control over Crimea, Ukraine made it crystal clear:
“Nothing to talk about.”
Zelensky, channeling every fed-up soul who’s ever dealt with bad-faith negotiators.
Zelensky agreed with Trump’s grim assessment: Ukraine doesn’t have the firepower to retake Crimea by brute force. But he wisely pointed out that sanctions and economic pressure could do what bombs cannot strangle Moscow’s imperial ambitions from the inside.
Putin’s Boast, Ukraine’s Silence
Adding a dash of cynicism to an already saturated scene, Putin announced Saturday that Russia had “regained control” of Kursk a border region Ukraine had briefly pierced in a daring offensive.
“The Kyiv regime’s adventure has completely failed,”
Putin crowed, like a cat dragging in a dead mouse for display.
Kyiv’s response? Silence. (A rare victory for the strategy of not dignifying absurdity with an answer.)
Conclusion: Diplomacy or Death Spiral?
If there’s a moral to this bloody, bumbling saga, it’s this: War is easier to start than to stop. And when politicians talk about “peace,” it usually means they’ve run out of better lies.
Trump and Zelensky’s Vatican handshake may become “historic” but so were the Munich Accords. And we all know how that fairy tale ended.
In the end, real peace will come but not from gilded halls or marble chapels. It’ll come when the dying stop, when the killing stops being profitable, and when leaders start treating human lives like something other than poker chips.
Until then, we’ll just keep trading funerals for photo ops.
